Richmond, Va. --Every marriage has its challenges. Couples must struggle with life decisions such as where to live, how to balance family and career, how to divide the household responsibilities. But if trust and love are lost in a marriage, none of these issues matters much, nor will they be resolved in a positive way if husband and wife come to see themselves as adversaries rather than life partners.
In our country now, we face a similar situation. We have many large challenges -- how to balance economic stimulus with deficit reduction, how to provide a quality education to every child, how to move toward true energy independence -- but none of these problems will be resolved until we learn to see each other as colleagues and partners, rather than enemies.
I spoke with a pastor of 35 years last week who told me that in his lifetime, he had never seen the country so divided. Over the past two years we have seen some of the worst in partisan politics: A member of Congress screaming "You lie!" at the president, fistfights breaking out at debates, a gubernatorial candidate's campaign calling his opponent a whore.
I don't know if this division started with our political leaders or with the people, but I am confident we will not begin to heal until our leaders set the tone for the country. We must treat one another with respect, make serious efforts to work together to solve our nation's problems, and look upon one another as colleagues rather than enemies.
There's nothing wrong with debate and disagreement, but we've allowed it to become personal. At a house party last week I was asked, "Where are the statesmen?" We used to be able to lock horns on the floor of the House, but it wasn't personal. Now there is no socializing between the parties, no respect, no trust, and certainly no love.
How do we fix this problem, which I truly believe stands between us and addressing the many challenges facing our nation? This is a question that I struggle with every day. There are no easy answers. I believe, though, that we can see change with a new mindset, new representatives, and new leadership. We need a new mindset among our people and among our leaders. We need a commitment to healing, to cooperation, to respect, and basic decency. At the end of the day we need our leaders to ask themselves whether they did what was best for their constituents and for their country rather than whether they scored political points and advanced the interests of their political party.
Unfortunately, I have little confidence that we will achieve such a change in mindset with our current Congress. I have no interest in vilifying politicians, most of whom I truly believe went to serve with the best of intentions, but they have been seduced by the bickering, the political point-scoring, and the extreme partisan division.
Einstein said: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." We're not going to change the status quo by sending the same people back to Congress.
For similar reasons, I believe we need a change in leadership. While I believe Nancy Pelosi has been a strong and effective manager, she has become such a lightning rod for division and partisan rancor that it is hard for me to see how we begin to heal without a new speaker of the House. This is painful for me to say because Nancy Pelosi is a woman I admire greatly as a model of strength and courage and an example of the heights that determined women can reach.
I find it unlikely, however, that we can build trust and good will without a change in leadership. Republican John Boehner seems unlikely to be an improvement, as he, too, has become a symbol of extreme partisan division. We need a new face of cooperation to lead us forward.
The first step to healing begins with a look in the mirror. Every one of us has to find ways to love those on the other side of the political divide and work to elect leaders interested in doing the same. I have taken my own look in the mirror and not always liked what I've seen. Campaigns are stressful and designed to divide rather than unite. I am trying to do better, though, and am committed, whether as a member of Congress or a concerned citizen, to do what I can to build love and trust rather than hate and suspicion.
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